So... You Wanna Build a Water Garden?

I'm something of an addict when it comes to water gardens. I think I enjoy building them as much as I enjoy looking at them. Before I move onto the building, let me tell you why I must always have one.

Water gardens are ridiculously easy to grow. You practically have to try to mess them up. Trimming the plants back in the fall and mucking it out in the spring (that's a really gross chore, actually) is all of the maintenance it requires. I used to think a water garden had to have hundreds of dollars of electrical gear to maintain it. And believe me, there is no shortage of that stuff on the market! Leaf skimmers, UV filters, regular filters... it's a little crazy. Not to mention all of the chemicals you're supposed to dump in it. But, to be honest, I've just let them be for the most part and they get along quite well without me.

Water gardens attract and nourish local wild life. We usually always have tadpoles in the spring, and a resident bullfrog. The birds can get a bath or a drink of water, the squirrels, ground hogs, raccoons, you name it. And if we're lucky, we can see this once in a while! There's always snails and sometimes even leeches, water striders, dragon flies and other fascinating visitors.

I've built a few water gardens and I've lost count which one I'm on. So I'll start at the beginning.

This is what I started with, eight or nine years ago. The rental house I was living in had this funny wood framed box sitting in the middle of the backyard for no apparent reason.

The landlord said I could remove it if I put something better in it's place. So I decided to make a little pond.

I dug the hole, and then I dug up rocks from the very back of the yard. Actually, where I got the rocks was between the backyard and a creek that was owned by the city. So the city probably owned the rocks. I didn't think they would be missed. They were well underground and needed to be dug out. I also got my first liner for much less than was expected. I hadn't realized until much later that the store had it mismarked and they charged me for weed barrier. What should have cost me $60 was only $11. Like I said, I didn't know this until a year later.

Some gravel from another part of the yard, and some free mulch from the city dump and we were off to a pretty nice start. I didn't have a bench, but a neighbor let me have a stump to sit on.

I put a small ten dollar pump in it to keep the water moving since it had no plants at first.

I collected wild plants from the creek area, including bulrush and cattails. Visiting my local lake yielded some nice finds too, with a bit of duckweed. I had  hoped to find water lilies in the wild, but no luck. I purchased one from Walmart for $4.89.

I transplanted a few other plants from the woods nearby and some roses from the front yard.

The photo on the right is my first pond, which cost me less than $30 dollars - just from being resourceful, working really really hard and getting very lucky.

But if you're a ponder, you'll understand why this wasn't quite enough. You see, ponders always want bigger, better and more elaborate.

I wanted a bigger pond!

I met a really sweet lady from a pond forum on Garden Web. She had a rather large liner just sitting in her shed and wanted to give it to me. I accepted, but I wanted to gift her something in return.
She agreed to accept a large painting of her pond. I'm glad she did, that liner cost her $80 to ship to me! She also included some starts of some plants. Some of them made it, like the pretty soft pink grapefruit lily and the purple irises, and others didn't really like the weather up here. She was from Florida. Her painting took me a year and it's really quite large. But it was such a labor of love, let me tell you!

Thanks to her I was able to double the size of the pond. I used my old liner to put in an upper tier.

My landlord brought me over some hostas, and I built a little wooden bench from some branches (for the legs) and some pallets my husband brought home from work.

I was building stuff from pallets before Pinterest made it cool! :D

The only cost for this was the cost of supplies for the painting and the shipping - all of which totaled less than $10.



I quite loved the pond after this and continued adding found plants around the perimeter and at one point, we bought a wooden and metal bench from a yard sale for $5. Here are some pictures!

I built this little arbor from branches I found in the woods behind the yard.

I still have these purple water lilies, and they are still very prolific bloomers.

Each year I have to pull them up and cut back the roots and stems and repot them. If left alone, the roots would matt up all over the bottom of the liner.

I originally wanted a water garden so that I could have it as subject matter in my painting. But I've actually never gotten around to painting it.

I am able to take some rather nice photos, though!

This waterfall worked out for a year, but the upper pool leaked too much so I took it out.

It was nice while it lasted!

One day my husband announced that the house across the street from his ill father was available for rent. I didn't want to move, but it was important for him to be closer to his dad. I wasn't going to leave my water garden, though!

I drained the pond and put the plants into a kiddie pool, and then I dismantled the whole thing.

I laid the liner out to dry before folding it up.

 Each of these rocks was loaded up onto the back of the moving van and brought with us. Damn right. There was NO way I could part with them, having excavated each one by hand and carried it up a thirty degree slope!

Our landlords had been really good to us. We also felt that we had been good tenants and deserved to get our deposit back. Therefore I made sure this hole was filled in before we left. I dug up dirt from the creek area and hauled bucketful by bucketful and painstakingly filled it back up, with enough on the top to allow for settling. But you know, they still stiffed us on the deposit.

 The new house had a nice slope in the back corner of the yard. This seemed a great place to put the pond. The slope would be perfect for a larger waterfall, and it wasn't beneath a tree, which I always regretted in the previous house - it always filled up with leaves quickly!

Digging a hole for a water garden, you always want a deep end for deep water plants like lilies, and a shallow end for marginal like cattails and rushes.

And boy, was I right about the waterfall! It was beautiful!

But there were some problems with this. The pump required to run the waterfall was a power hog, so we didn't run it very often and dirt would pool up in the filter, clogging it. The pump sucked... literally and metaphorically. It was always breaking down and needing to be fixed. It leaked a lot, too.

No one ever saw the pond except for me, on days when I chose to walk all the way to the back of the yard and sit by it. And without any shade, I never wanted to! After three years, I decided to move it again.

By this time, we had purchased our house and could do whatever we wanted to it. We have a two tiered porch, that when we first moved in, had a stair case coming from the top balcony. We didn't like this staircase, partly because it looked an eyesore and partly because our little ones would use it to carry out their escape plans. After their third time sneaking out, we took the stairs off and had a rather empty space that was perfect for the pond.

I dug the hole so that it looked like the pond went beneath the porch. Moving the pond has shrunk it considerably, but it's important a water garden fit the space that it's in appropriately and this felt like the best size to sit beside the porch.

One day, I hope to build a second one on the other side of the porch so that it looks like the porch is sitting on top of a singular pond.

 My kids had quite a lot of fun that day helping me move the pond, though I believe I did most of the work while they played in the pit.

This hole wasn't quite so difficult to fill in, since I could backfill the dirt that I had dug out of it in the first place.

Here is the pond as it sits presently! It's filled to the brim with plants and snails, frog spawn and probably leeches. In this spot, everyone can see it and we enjoy it every day, even in the winter. You may notice there is no longer a pump on it, because I've decided that they are much more hassle than they're worth. One day I may add a spitter, who knows. There are three varieties of water lilies, the irises my friend had sent me, and the cattails and bulrushes that I pulled out of the creek in the very beginning.

You can build a water garden out of so many things! They can be large, medium sized (like the ones I've shown here), or they can be as small as a pretty bowl with some gravel in the bottom and lily growing out of it.

You can visit Garden Web's Pond and Aquatic Plants forum to get a lot of advice and see some really amazing ponds!

There are many books that you can buy or check out from the library, as well.

 Do you have a water garden? I'd love to hear about it!

50 Empowering Life Tips



 

1.  Don't wait around for someone to stick a label on you. If you want to be an animal rights activist, be one. If you want to be a human rights activist do that. Whatever you want to be, go be that. Define yourself. If you wait for someone to define you, you're probably not going to be happy with the label they pick.

2. No matter what you're religion or higher power, remember that everything you have ever been given or will be given came from the Earth. Honor the Earth and you will be honoring your higher power.

3. Remember the 60-40 rule. If 60% of your life is going well and 40% of it is failing, you're STILL winning.
4. You're not made of sugar and you're not going to melt in the rain. Whether literal or metaphorical, rain is no excuse to sit inside and complain that you're bored.
5. Everyone has their own standard of beauty. Meeting one persons standard means falling short of anothers. Be the beauty that YOU want to see in the mirror.
6. You are the one and only constant person in your life. You better be good company because guess what? You're stuck with you.
7. Make a goal to try something new every day.
8. Everybody has their own truth. What makes sense for one person won't make sense for another. There are very few “rights” when it comes to how things should be done.
9. When you find yourself in constant conflict, battling everyone around you and suffering one break up after another, then it really IS you. Sorry, but it's true. The good news is that you can fix you.
10. Some people have combative personalities. There's nothing you can do about it and shoving your perspective under their nose won't convince them that you're right. They will argue with you even when they agree with you.
11. Grow a plant, they're good therapy. If you suck at keeping plants alive, get a cactus. Recognize the limitations of your abilities and work with them.
12. Understand that we are all going about our day in the best way that we know how. Nobody is purposely trying to inconvenience you by being in your way.
13. Getting ahead in life rarely results from staying inside your comfort zone.
14. Don't be a sexist or racist ass-wipe. It's NOT going to get you anywhere in life. Really.
15. Finding people who agree with you doesn't mean that you're opinion is superior to another persons, because no matter what your ideology there will always be someone who agrees with it and others who don't.
16. Don't insult children. It's fine if you don't want them, it's fine if you choose not to be around them, but putting down any child will offend every single parent who hears you and you're going to look like a jerk.
17. Also, if you don't have children, keep your mouth shut on how they ought to be raised – especially when your beliefs aren't based on what is best for the child, but on making your life a little more comfortable.
18. None of us know every fact of any situation. Forming solid conclusions about any given person or situation means always being partly wrong.
19. Do get a soapbox. We all need to feel passionately about something, even when we're partly wrong about it.
20. Recovery is only impossible if you're dead. Recovery may not always be a hundred percent, but every situation can always get a little bit better than it is right now.
21. Don't be daunted when faced with an impossible task. Look at the tremendous feats man-kind has performed. A large amount of dirt can be moved by one person, one small shovel at a time.
22. When you feel like your voice doesn't matter, nothing you do can make a difference, remember this: there are other lonely voices who are singing the same tune at the same time. When those voices are all sung in the same direction, what is heard by the recipient is unison. You're never the only one, so sing loudly.
23. Get to know crazy people and weirdos. They will enrich your life in ways you cannot imagine.
24. What you project into the world is what you will receive. Some call this karma. Mostly, it's common sense. There are a few people who manage to be successful assholes, but we know them as the 1%. So that's probably not going to be you. Be nice if you want others to treat you well.
25. Finding a mate isn't about finding your ideal partner, but finding the person who's ideal partner is you. They're not going to be who you pictured yourself with when you were 13 so let go of your expectations.
26. Keep an open mind. Don't forget that life is about learning, first and foremost. You continue learning even up into old age.
27. Most people who are elderly are incredibly wise. Make friends with an old person, they can teach you a lot.
28. I've never heard a person say that they regret traveling too much and seeing the world or learning about other cultures.
29. Remember that the way you see the world is limited to the scope of your vision and another person can be standing right beside you and have a much broader view. This will likely change their opinion of what they are seeing.
30. Pick up trash on the street when you see it. Little things like that can make a big difference when many people do them.
31. Turn about is fair play. When someone shows you loyalty, remember them and repay the favor when you're able.
32. Take care of your body and your body will take care of you.
33. There are superficial jerks in the world, but most of us only want someone who doesn't make us feel badly about ourselves. If you want to make a lot of friends, spend time making a lot of people feel good about themselves. Then you will be genuinely popular, not superficially.
34. Do you ever notice that in movies, we all seem to root for the same person? No matter what our disagreements in life and the fact that as a society we can be so dramatically polarized, when it comes down to it we all just want the good guy to win.
35. In our own minds, we ALL think that we are the good guy.
36. Every substance that exists has it's use, but every substance that exists can be harmful when abused or overused. Moderation is the key to not totally fucking up your life.
37. Surprisingly, the people on television, movies, on the radio etc. aren't trying to entertain you. They are trying to sell you something. There is no exception, their goal is to get you to spend money in their direction, or in the direction of their sponsors.
38. When you say things like, “We didn't need that when I was a kid,” bear in mind how boring the world would be if we weren't changing things up all the time.
39. Being a bully won't get you respect. Remember that the most respected people to have ever walk the earth: Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Jesus and others were pacifists and they were revered for their gentle natures.
40. Parents: Just remember that they way you treat your children will become the way they treat their own.
41. You can be brilliant, witty and beautiful, but your value to others will always be contingent on what you bring to the table.
42. In very rare instances, you will find a person who loves you even when what you bring to the table is lacking. Treasure those people. That is called unconditional love and very few will ever give it to you.
43. Make stuff up. Make up stories, words, songs, anything you want. If you go looking for something and find that it doesn't exist, make it up. Every innovation and cultural advancement that has ever come about, came from somebody deciding not to follow the rules and make it up.
44. It's never too late to change your game plan.
45. Stop fretting over the things you haven't done and start looking forward to the things you'll get to do.
46. Remember what your basic human needs are and focus on them. Television and Nike's aren't among them.
47. Stop trying to impress people and be someone that others want to impress.
48. The world does not have unlimited money and resources. When you take more than you need, you are taking from someone who needs it. If you are not willing to take less on that score, be mindful of the fact that someone out there is getting less on account of you.
49. Love as many people as you can, nobody ever worries that they're going to have too many people at their funeral.
50. Do what you can to make others feel good. No one in life ever regrets being kind to someone, even when the other person doesn't deserve it.

photo: James Jordan

Growing Native in My Flower Beds

Welcome to the April edition of the Simply Living Blog Carnival - Going Green cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. This month, we write about going green and environmentally friendly living. Please check out the links to posts by our other participants at the end of this post.

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I have always enjoyed growing a flower garden. My first flower bed was a six foot by two foot patch of dirt in front of a town home I was renting. That year we planted several flower seeds, but none of them took despite my best efforts of watering daily, fertilizing and weeding at least once a week.

That was eight or nine years ago. My green thumb is more practiced now and I can grow a whole lot of things. I have six flower beds in my yard now, as well as several large terracotta pots that I also grow flowers in.

I know that growing flowers isn't the most eco-friendly practice. I choose to forego fertilizer, though my flowers my look a bit wimpy. However, they still need water at least three times a week, and daily in the hottest months. With six large beds, it's a lot of water and it has bothered me for years that my marigolds and petunia's are so darn needy.

I learned about growing native when I first began gardening. Actually, I was looking for cheap/free seeds and I had wondered if I would be able to find plants out in the wild that would look nice in a flower bed. That is how I came across the term “Growing Native.”

But wildflowers in the city are hard to come by and I didn't have the time to drive all over the countryside looking for cone flowers and black-eyed susans. It was less expensive to spend 50 cents for a packet of allysum than order wild flower seeds from a nursery.

Then last spring, my city surprised me. They decided to grow native in all of their public landscaping! That's right, every city park has flower beds brimming with daisies, native asters, flowering milk weed, and some very interesting plants that I had never seen before.

Throughout the season I watched these flower beds mature with my home made seed packets at the ready. In this post from last fall, I describe the process of seed harvesting. When I knew that the seeds were ready, I went on a few excursions to get the native flowers that I wanted from some of my favorite parks. I was very careful to only clip a few dead flower heads and and be respectful to the plant the habitat.

I have waited all winter long to plant my precious little seeds and now that spring is here, I put them into the ground last week. Because I harvested my own, I was able to get a lot of seeds – especially purple cone flower. But I also planted daisies, poppies and a tall exotic looking (but native) grass. I missed harvesting the black-eyed susans, they were spent before I got to them.

While I do still have a few rose bushes and other non-native water plants in my water garden, I will slowly replace these with native species as they age and need replaced.

So what is the point of growing native? How is this a green thing to do, and how does it simplify my world?

Native plants require very little, if any, watering. They are completely used to living in the conditions which I planted them so no need to amend the soil. They are resistant to local pests and plant diseases. They don't need fertilizer to grow well. In other words, you can plant native flowers in their home environment and they will thrive with virtually no care whatsoever. That's easy on my time constraints as well as my budget and it also keeps my yard organic while looking top-notch.

Another plus of native growing is that the local wild life will benefit from what I have planted. These are the plants that best serve the butterflies, lady bugs and other local insects who can feast on the plants without damaging them. In many urban settings, the beneficial insect populations are dwindling, which impacts the larger animals who need the bugs to survive.

Growing native looks great, costs very little (if anything), requires practically no care, and boosts the health of the native ecosystem.

If you would like more information about growing native, visit:
grownative.org

If you live in Missouri and are looking for information (or seeds and seedlings) of native Missouri plants, visit:

www.missouriplants.com
www.missourinativeplantsociety.org
www.mowildflowers.net



Cone Flower Photo Credit: Sean McMenemy

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  Thank you for visiting the Simply Living Blog Carnival cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children , Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair . Read about how others are incorporating eco-friendly living solutions into their everyday lives. We hope you will join us next month, as the Simply Living Blog Carnival focuses on Daily Lives!

 

 

• Green Renovating: A Lot, A Little, Not So Much - Laura at Authentic Parenting ponders about the many things that have an impact on eco-friendly renovating
• Growing Native in My Flower Beds - Destany at They Are All of Me takes the guilt out of her flower habit by switching from high maintenance flowers to native plants which not only lessens her gardening load, but also benefits the local wild life.
• Baby Steps - Kellie at Our Mindful Life shares how her family became more sustainable, one step at a time.
• A Greener Holiday - Sara from Family Organic discusses the overwhelming amount of "stuff" that comes with every holiday and talks about how to simplify instead.
• Forcibly Green--Obligatory Organic - Survivor at Surviving Mexico talks about her family's evolution from passive to active green and sustainable living.
• Giving It Away - Juliet Kemp of Twisting Vines writes about the role of Freecycle, the giant karmic lending library, in her simple and green living.
• Simply Sustainable - Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses her family's attempts to live in harmony with the earth by living simply and more sustainably.
• How Does Your Yarden Grow - Alisha at Cinnamon&Sassafras writes about an ongoing permaculture project, converting her grass lawn into a mower-free paradise.
• Green? - Is it about ticking the boxes? sustainablemum shares her thoughts on what being green means in her life.
• Using Cloth Products To Reduce Household Waste - Angela from Earth Mama's World shares how her family replaced many disposable household products with cloth to reduce their household waste.
• Going Green in Baby Steps - Joella of Fine and Fair shares some small, easy steps to gradually reduce your environmental impact.
• Are You Ready To Play Outside?! - Alex from AN Portraits writes about gardening, and playing in the dirt, and how it's O.K. to get dirty, play in the dirt, play with worms, for both adults and kids.
• Lavender and Tea Tree Oil Laundry Booster - At Natural Parents Network, Megan from The Boho Mama shares an all-natural way to freshen laundry.

Make Your Own "Opoly"

I first made Futuropoly years ago for my kids Christmas gift. At the time I decided I was going to do a board game, space and the future were running themes in our household.

Futuropoly is also not the first board game I have made with Monopoly as the basis. I once did Footballopoly back when our oldest boys were wee little babes. That of course, was for my husband, and used pro football teams as property.

Whatever Opoly you choose to go with, you can have a lot of fun adapting the theme to fit the game. Most of this can also be created with items around your house, making it thrifty and eco-friendly.

To make a game, you need to put together the following components:

• The board - I used a half inch square piece of nice plywood. You want it to be furniture grade wood because it's going to last for years. This board is 2' x 2'.
  Use a straight edge and ruler to partition off the property slots. You'll have a large square in each corner, and nine slots in between each one. I painted mine with inexpensive watercolor paints, acting as stain. I used a sharpie marker to draw the straight lines, and then I applied polyurethane over the top to seal it all in. The gold paint went on last, because polyurethane causes the gold to smear.
  
  Create the property names with the theme of your game. Some of ours are "Omega 1 System" and "Alpha Center." Regions of outer space, in other words. I looked up names of star systems and galaxies. Where the colors coordinate, the names also coordinate. For instance, the red properties are "Delphius Scape," "Dorado Lat," and "Draco Region."
  
  Instead of railroads, we have teleports, and Jail is "Suspension Chamber." Utilities are "Fusion Company," and "Fission Company," and instead of Income Tax, we have "Robot Maintenance" and "Alien Housing Tax."
  
  You get the gist!

• Cards - There are two sets of cards in any Opoly game. Ours are Question Mark and Time Capsule. The Time Capsule cards refer to things in todays era. I had a ton of fun making up crazy things that could happen to either fine players or reward them. "The shifty Robot you purchased at the Hydrus Sector Swap Meet stole your space pup and fled the galaxy. Pay 700k's for Unrestrained Droid Violation."
  There are 30 cards for each stack, and were made out of poster board. I also made property cards out of poster board. Because it's Futuropoly, I accounted for massive inflation and everything costs a ridiculous amount of money.

• Money! - This unfortunately isn't easily customizable. You can buy Monopoly Money from online sources like Ebay and Amazon. We used Play Money that we bought from the Dollar Store, but it too can be purchased from Amazon. The play money comes in higher bills than Monopoly does (usually) and this jived well with our ridiculous inflation.

• Houses and Hotels - When I first made the game, I used Polymer Clay from the craft store and shaped little futuristic buildings with it. In the image of my board game above, you can see the way these looked, painted with purple and gold enamel.
  But that was years ago and they have been lost. Lego's work well though!

• Characters and Dice - Dice can be bought at the store, usually with a pack of cards. Not expensive at all! And characters should not be purchased, but each person playing the game should search for their own piece, which makes it more personal and fun.

• Box - I just chuck all of my pieces in a little non-descript box to be kept beside the game board. Except when I had Footballopoly, it was all a part of a large game set built out of MDF. I hope to make one of those again soon!

That should take care of it all! You should know the basics of playing Monopoly, and your Opoly game will go in the same manor. If you do make your own Opoly game, come back here and tell me all about it!

My-Sew Dolly

My little girl loves to sew. She just turned 5 two weeks ago, so she is still beginning. I'm pretty impressed with how well she is able to manage and control her needle. She needs a bit of help working out the spacing and size of her stitches, however. I devised a little project for her to work on that would help with that, and allow her to have a nice souvenir when it was complete.

For this project, you will need:

Crafting felt in assorted colors
Scissors
Tapestry needle with sharp point
Embroidery Floss
Pen
Pillow Stuffing
Regular needle and thread
Yarn for eyes, mouth and hair
Pattern (below)






Click on the thumbnail on the left, and save the larger image of the pattern.

Print the pattern off, adjusting the size. You want approximately 7" tall.

Fold your crafting felt in half, horizontally and place your pattern so that you will cut out two identical pieces of felt.

I sewed a face onto the front of the cut pieces, so that my little one could have a better idea of what she was making. This is completely unnecessary.

Use the pen to draw dashes along the outside of the dolly, leaving the top two inches open. Make them as long or widely spaced as you feel will work best for your child.

Next is up to the little one!

Thread the tapestry needle with embroidery floss and instruct them to stitch along the dotted lines.

My girl did need some help, untangling or undoing her stitches if she made mistakes, which are inevitable.

The larger needles and thread are best for beginners, but eventually she did graduate to a regular sized needle and thread.

Look at those tidy little stitches! Mama was impressed!

I took out the face I had sewn on easily, and made a new one on the other side of the fabric.


Karlie did about two-thirds of the stitches at which point she began losing interest. I finished the last third for her.

       Adam likes to sew too!

I turned the dolly right side out, and helped Karlie put the stuffing in.


Then Karlie closed her at the top.

I stitched some yarn to the dolly's head to make hair, and she is awaiting her garments. I have a habit of making dolls, and losing interest or getting busy before I get to make the clothing. My kids are quite accustomed to naked dolls, they don't mind.

She has already started on a sister for her dolly, in purple. Without the dashes to guide her, the stitches aren't as neat, so I will clean them up a bit.

We will make a few more practice dolly's before I buy some muslin and let her make her own rag dolls like these.

I can see this becoming a rather rewarding hobby for her, the first of probably many.

So... Do You Want to Learn Yoga?

DISCLAIMER: I know that these poses are not perfect and I do not claim to be proficient in yoga. ;)

 

Yoga has been a love of mine for over ten years. That said, I will go months without practicing, which hinders my progress in advancement. I actually don't strive to advance the way that many do, but rather to maintain. I began yoga as a way to tone my muscles and keep fit. The reasons I do it now are to keep my body from deteriorating now that I'm getting older.

My family has a history of really nasty joint diseases and I also have patella femoral syndrome. After the birth of my fourth child, I began experiencing excruciating hip pain, especially in winter. I know that I am becoming arthritic, and when I am not practicing my yoga my joints suffer terribly. Yoga also can help lose or maintain weight, though that is not a reason for me.

However. If you read this blog with any regularity, you will know that I am a self-teacher and self-proclaimed cheapskate. I don' need no stinkin' yoga classes!

I started out with Wai Lana yoga dvd's (actually, I think I started back when VHS was still being used with regularity. I love Wai Lana, and have the Little Yogi's Dvd for my little ones though I dare say they love to practice their stretches whenever they see me do it.

Yoga with Wai Lana makes me so happy. She is so calm and peaceful and her smile brightens my mood whenever I see it. Her voice is also soothing, but I admit it presents a challenge near the end when she does the relaxation to not fall asleep. I have done this a few times and woke up on the floor completely startled that it had happened.

After a while, I felt the need for something a little more custom.

I began researching the different yoga postures. I went to websites such as Yoga Journal, Mind Body Green, and especially Yoga.About.Com to learn everything I could about the more basic poses.

Mostly, I wanted to know what effect each posture was known to have, to maximize my benefits and purpose. I asked myself, "what do I want Yoga to do for me, physically?"

The answer was of course, help alleviate my joint pain and prevent my muscles from deteriorating from lack of use. So I made a list of those postures that suited my needs the most. I grouped the postures together and came up with 3 different routines that I would alternate, taking care to give attention to all of my muscle groups so none would be neglected.

Youtube searches helped me to see the proper way to get into each position without harming myself and making sure that I understood how to do the postures correctly. Poses such as downward facing dog, the warrior poses, or extended side angle would actually damage my joints further if I did them improperly. I used mirrors and had my kids take my photo while practicing so that I could tell how I was doing. It was very humbling to see myself at first.

I also wanted to know about the history and philosophy of Yoga. It's not enough for me to simply know how to do some of it for my own benefit. Yoga, I perceived, is not simply a manner of exercise. It is a life style, even so much as a religion. While I do not practice all aspects of yoga, I do honor and recognize them. I meditate and reflect and focus on my breathing.

I went to the library and checked out books on Yogis and Gurus and studied them. Among my favorite by far is "B.K.S. Iyengar, The Path To Holistic Health." I have found this man to be a complete inspiration and the book is a treasure trove of information.

I am still learning and improving and striving to be in sync with the rhythms of my body that yoga teaches.

If you need anymore inspiration to try yoga, for whatever your personal reason, take a look at this:

So, Do You Want To Learn To Knit...?

But you don't know if you'd like it, if you could manage it, if it's for you at all? And you don't want to buy a bunch of specialized equipment that will sit on a shelf in your closet, mocking you for your failure every time you open the door?

I felt the same way, and I just couldn't bring myself to splurge on a hobby that I was 90% sure I wouldn't be able to master. But I wanted to try it so badly! When I started hanging out with a neighbor who knitted, I was compelled even further but I still couldn't get past my hang-up of being wasteful, and I didn't know her well enough to feel comfortable borrowing supplies.

I was sitting around my house one day, pining for the opportunity. I had some yarn left over from an old crochet project, years ago. But I had no knitting needles! Oy! What's a poor lass to do? Make them, duh!

So, my first set of knitting needles were a pair of plastic hangers. And my first set of dpn's (Double Pointed Needles) were a dowel rod and fingernail polish. If you look around your house, you might find something you can use! I know a girl who learned to knit on plain old pencils and when she was sure she would keep at it, she got herself a pair a knitting needles.

For the record, you CAN get inexpensive aluminum knitting needles at most craft stores or even big box stores, but if you're sitting at your computer right now thinking, "I might like to try this out," go ahead a grab some plastic hangers and get started!

You can cut the bottom rung off of the hanger, but take care to get it as close to the bend as possible - because it's likely hollow inside. Sharpen it with a pencil sharpener, but again - try not to wear it down too far, until you get to the hollow part. Leave the bend on the other end of the rod, to hold your yarn on.
Or, just take a dowel rod and cut it to size. Sharpen one end and sand it well. Apply 3 coats of nail enamel, sanding lightly in between coats. You can put all kinds of things on the other end to act as a stopper.

Now, if I ever learn to make a set of circular needles from stuff around the house, you'll be the first to know!

What are you going to do with some yarn and some ghetto make-shift knitting needles? Watch some videos! These ones are my favorites and I was able to learn from them. These are very, very basic instructions, but it will be enough to get you started. I personally prefer the videos with British instructors, it sounds so much more elegant when replaying their instructions in my head.

Casting on:




There's a rhyme that helped me remember the steps to do a knit stitch, I can't remember where I heard it. It goes, "Through the front door, around the back; through the window, and off jumps Jack."

Choose EITHER continental style or english style knitting to start with. The only difference is the hand you hold your working yarn with, so don't fret that you have to know both. You won't need both until you're well practiced with knitting.

Knit stitch, Continental Style:





Purling is just knitting, turned around. If you take a knitted sweater and turn it inside out, the little dashes you're seeing are purl stitches. You use a combination of knits and purls to make designs.





Finally, binding off so that your stitches are all closed up and won't unravel:





One last tip, because it stumped me even though I had been warned about it - pay attention to the direction that you are wrapping your yarn around. I was wrapping mine the wrong way for the longest time, and my knits would not stretch. Also - this was how I learned the basics. My friendly neighbor started offering free classes at her house and so I got an extra leg up.

It takes time, but it's worth it.
Play around! Get adventurous! Go knit!

Bully Resourses

The following are some resources that may be helpful if you or someone you know is experiencing being bullied.

Books

Banishing Bullying Behavior; by SuEllen Fried and Blanche Sosland
Protect Your Child from Bullying; by Allan L. Beane, Ph.D.
The Power of Validation; by Karyn D. Hall, Ph.D. and Melissa H. Cook, LPC
Teens & Gay Issues; by Hal Marcovitz
Bullying Beyond the Schoolyard; by Justin Atchin, Sameer Hinduja
A smart kid's guide to social networking online; by David J. Jakubiak
Beating the bullies : twenty inspiring true-life stories of triumph over violence, intimidation and bullying; by Polly Clarkson
Bullying; by Pete Sanders
Dealing With Bullying; by Marianne Johnston


Internet

Bullies2Buddies
Violence Prevention Works
Peace Builders
Stop Bullying Now Stop Bullying BullySafe USE
Bully Free
Cyberbully Hotline


Phone
1-800-273-TALK (8255) - Bully.gov
1-800-448-3000 - Boystown Crisis Center
1-800-273-8255 - Crisis Call Center

1-800-799-7233 - National Domestic Violence

1-800-442-4673 - National Hopeline (Depression & Suicide)

The Anti-Bully Movement - Where Do You Stand?

This is a tough one for me. The truth is, it's hard to just pick a side or even a place on the spectrum and stay there. There are two basic schools of thought. The Anti-Bully Movement itself, which is largely credited to Dr. Dan Olweus, whose primary mission statement claims: "every individual should have the right to be spared oppression and repeated, intentional humiliation, in school as in society at large."

That statement sounds good to me, it makes sense. But critics of the movement claim that according to the definition of bullying, this statement is too inclusive. According to the definition provided on Olweus's website, bullying is: aggressive behavior that is intentional and that involves an imbalance of power. Most often, it is repeated over time.

Most anti-bully programs currently put to use in schools are based on the Olweus school of thought. It sounds good... yet, most experts - even those who a adamant that this is the way to go, admit that bullying continues to get worse, year by year by year.

Critics of the anti-bully movement assertain that the definition of bullying is too broad, and the punishment too harsh. One of the most visible and vocal critics of the movement, Izzy Kalman states that not only do the fundumental principals of the movement create more harm than good, they contribute almost exclusively to the death of Free Speech.

He's not alone in his critism, and I have to admit, the statistics do seem to be backing him up as far as the effectiveness of current protocol.
This summer, I was talking with a very good friend of mine who was having a really tough time with her childs school. She told me a story that I found rather startling, yet, unsurprising.
Two years ago, her son Sean was having difficulty with a female student in his class. According to Sean, this girl was sooooooo annoying and would pester him all day. He started picking on her and being mean to her, in hopes that she could take the hint and leave him alone. Any adult could see that she obviously had a crush on the boy and was trying to get his attention. By not reciprocating, she only pushed harder and became more and more irritating.
At one point, Sean had been telling her to leave him alone and she wouldn't, so he gave her a nasty look and took his index finger and swiped it across his neck: mimicking a slashing movement.
The girl was so offended that she ran home and told her mother, who was beside herself with outrage. She was going to make this boy pay, not for hurting her daughters feelings, but for threatening her daughters life. Sean was ten at the time.
Because of the extremely harsh penalties required by school officials, this boy has taken two years of anti-bully classes, supplimental to his actual school lessons. And the girl? Well, she wasn't quite done with making him pay for slighting her and spurning her advances. Knowing that Sean isn't allowed to be within her vicinity, she will often approach him and demand that he leave the area. If Sean refuses, the girl tells on him and he is forced to leave and also written up. She taunts him and tells him how he damaged her self esteem, forever and that because of him, she has to go to therapy, etc. etc. This girl has the power now and she abuses it every chance she gets. She has become the unintended bully.

When I hear stories like this, Izzy Kalman makes a great deal of sense to me. Heck, when I'm thinking with my head and not my heart, he makes a lot of sense. Abraisive and rude, he says things that most of us don't want to hear. But he often has a point even if he pisses us off when he makes it.

And then, there is the propaganda. The bloody scenes portrayed in our news that spawn our outrage. The tales of children who just couldn't take it anymore and commit suicide because of their bullies cruel behavior and we want to see those bullies punished, by God! The following links and video are examples of the different positions on the spectrum of this anti-bully crusade:

This trailor for the movie "Bully" is extremely heartbreaking and displays the emotional devastation that bullying can cause. Watching this video made me want to throw all of the bullies in jail.



Here is a link to Dan Olweus's anti-bully website Violence Prevention Works I would have provided an article, however, this website offers materials for sale; it does not give out free information on specifically how or why their program works.

I have already provided a few articles written by Izzy Kalman, his website Bullies2Buddies gives several articles and help information. It is often materials and opinions that differ from the socially accepted public opinion. Some of his ideas may even seem ludicrous. The very name of the website implies that we can turn our bullies into our very good friends.

I find that while I am in a more logical frame of mind, much of what Izzy Kalman says makes a lot of sense to me. Not all of it, andd frankly, I think the guy could use some lessons in tact. But he's right about one thing for sure. All the experts agree that bullying in schools is on the rise. Why are we still using anti-bully programs that are proving themselves ineffective?

Bully Scapegoating Syndrome

I read this article a while back that I found pretty much summed up my thoughts when it comes to the publics perception of bullies. I contacted the author to ask if I could republish it, but I did not hear back. Therefore, I will ask readers of this post to please click over and read THIS POST before continuing.

Not to short change you, and leave this page with only a paragraph, I would like to take a moment and discuss why scapegoating bullies is such a huge mistake in our culture.

1. The Constant Victim. As Izzy Kalman put it in previous articles I shared on this blog, anytime a person does something to us that we dislike, the behavior is labled bullying. The word itself has such a nasty reputation and a lot of emotion tied to it. The word BULLY is explosive and most of us cringe when we hear it or see it. So anytime someone does something to us that we don't like, we call them a bully and this automatically makes them wrong. This means that anytime someone does something to us that we don't like, we are automatically right - and ergo, anytime someone behaves towards us in a way that we dislike, we are a victim of bullying. We've done nothing wrong and are simply a victim of a mean nasty bully.

One of the things I wish to do with this discussion on bullying is to take the sting out of the word. By recognizing that we are all bullies and the bullying is a very blanket term, we don't HAVE to feel picked on and victimized everytime someone isn't nice to us.


2. Bandaid Complex. One of the things our culture is famous for is our bandaid solutions to bigger problems. Just because bullying behavior is inherent in all of us as a desire to control our surroundings and those within it - does NOT mean that cruelty is. There is a difference between a pushy person with good intentions and a person who (probably a swell individual) purposely inflicting pain onto another. One of the things that astounded me once it dawned on me was this: I had always considered those who bullied me as being inherently mean spirited kids with little to no emotion. How can they have a heart if they can be so mean? And then it occurred to me that no one else thought this about them, except me. They had a lot of friends and they were well liked. They had great relationships with their parents, teachers and other kids our age. How could that possibly be true?
The answer was that they weren't inherently mean spirited OR devoid of emotion. They were regular kids. The fact is, most bullies are quite nice people, but select one or two peers to take their aggression out on. And if a kid is behaving aggressively, even if it's only to one or two individuals, that should be a huge red flag that the child is having emotional problems and not really coping as well as their parents, teachers and freinds are assuming. By punishing bully behavior, you're slapping a bandaid on a festering wound. The kid who is being bullied needs help, of course, but the one who IS the bully needs it too.

3. Not MY Kid! Lastly, one of the biggest issues I find when trying to resolve bullying issues between children is the parents unwillingness to see their child as that aggressive person. Most parents can remember how much they hated their bullies in school, and when you even mention the word in the proximity of their childs name, they don't want to hear it. They refuse to entertain the notion. They may yell or get angry at the person who made the assertion, storm off with their child and then no one gets the help they are needing.


While this country remains on a mission to stamp out bullying once and for all and make those bullies pay, come hell or high-water, we ignore the fact that one child bullying another is a good sign that the child is in obvious pain. When we adults show aggression towards another, the first thing we often do is try to get that adult help to cope with their anger. Why is this mentality not being applied to our children?
Do you feel there is a way to diminish the negativity surrounding the word bully? Do you think that we should?

When You Witness Bullying

When we think of bullying relationships, we consider the person who is acting as the bully and the person they are targeting. But often the person overlooked, the witness, can be the one with the most power. Witnesses can halt a bully incident in it’s tracks or even prevent one from occuring in the first place. Consider this – bullies often pick on others to gain control or power. Usually, it isn’t simply physical power that they seek, but social dominance. They get it by humiliating another in front of an audience. If the audience turns the tables and condemns those specific actions, and disparages the bully for using them, the behavior is not getting them power but diminishing it.

People who witness bullying and do not stop it can carry the guilt for years. In their book “Banishing Bullying Behavior” by SuEllen Fried and Blanche Sosland, the writers give several personal stories of after adults who were haunted by the bullying they witnessed as teens. One woman reported that she became an anti-bully activist after as an adult, she discovered a girl she witnessed being bullied in school later committed suicide. The fact is, bullying impacts many people, and those who witnesses can be plagued memories of not only have witnessed the events, but the guilt that they stood by and watched.

Whether you call them witnesses, bystanders or onlookers, those who witness bullying and do nothing about it are not all cut from the same cloth and can have a wide range of reasons for not stepping in. The following is a list of profiles created by SuEllen Fried:

· Blockers: Often very sensitive and easily overwhelmed emotionally, some people will instinctively back away from unpleasant things and barricade their emotions.

· Self-protectors: As bullying events unfold, some will do anything and everything they can to protect themselves against becoming a target themselves.

· Judgers: Many students may feel anger towards the victim and frustration that they are not sticking up for themselves.

· Voyeurs: A few people may derive pleasure at seeing another tormented.

· Accomplices: Those that either directly or indirectly support the bully. This can be done by laughing, cheering, or standing in audience.

· Empathizers: Many students feel sorry for the target and wish that they could help them, but they lack the confidence to do so.

· Champions: Those rare individuals with the confidence and wherewithall to intervene on behalf of the target. The more people who can do this, the less power a bully has over their victim.

A study conducted over three years by the US Department of Education and the US Secret Service examined many instances of severe bullying and discovered that 75% of the time at least one person besides the bully knew about the attack before it happened but did nothing to try and prevent it. In fact, most of the time, a bully will tell a friend, sibling, classmate or peer what their intentions are.

Knowing what an impact bullying has on those who witness it, and how much control they can have over a situation, why don’t more people intervene? I’m sure you can think up a couple of answers right off the bat. But the reasons can be just as varied as they many types of people who witness.

· Someone else will step in. This is a very common mentality, and it not only applies to bullying situations. Anytime people witness an incident that requires assistance and no one comes forward, most of them say it was because they were waiting on someone else to do it. Be it a traffic accident, a physical attack, even a person lying on the street in obvious need. We all always seem to be under the impression that superheros are waiting in the wings, ready to rescue those who need it and it’s not down to us.

· Lack of coping skills. We all have different degrees of sensitivity. Some kids, when either witnessing brutality, learning it will happen, or hearing about it after the fact, can become completely overwhelmed with their feelings of dread and fear. They cannot proccess their own emotions, let alone form cognitive plans to halt or report the behavior.

· Fear of retaliation. It is most common for kids to fear bullying. When they become aware of it, their instinct is to protect themselves before others. They don’t want to make themselves a target. Often these kids will go to great lengths to become invisible.

· “Not my problem” mentality. Some kids might assume that if the target would only stand up for themselves, or stop getting so upset, the bullying would stop. They may feel angry or annoyed at the target. They expect the target to fight their own battles and feel that intervening would be pointless, the target will just get picked on again the next day.

· Positive feelings gained by bullying. Some kids may find it exciting to see someone else bullied. Usually this is a strong indicator of insecurity, as they may feel relieved that the bullying isn’t happening to them, and even thrilled to be “let in on” the act. They feel superior to the target simply because they are not the target.

· They wish to participate. Accomplices, voyeurs and others who actively support the bully may have their own agendas. These are often the friends or familiy members of the bully who feel the need to display unwavering loyalty and wouldn’t dream of betraying them. In many cases, a target is chosen by a bully due to some percieved insult or threat they pose to the bully. In these cases, a bully and their accomplices feel justified in punishing the target.

· Not having authority. Most communities, whether they be a school body, home or neighborhood, have a heirarchy. Whether or not it is established vocally or in some way official, it is certainly felt and percieved by all. Those in the middle or the low end of this “chain of command” tend to go with the flow. They know that by not doing so, they will invite bullying from the higher ups in order to put them back in their place. They may often feel awful about the bullying that is happening, but are too uncomfortable of stepping out of place and upsetting the status quo.


So what can kids do? What, as parents, do we need to advise them to do in order to help a person who is in trouble? All of the literature points to three options.

Report to an adult. Kids who are being bullied often feel very isolated to the point that they feel no one is on their side and on one can or would want to help them. They fear going to an adult will only make the bullying worse, and often, this is true. But for a witness, especialy multiple witnesses to report the behavior, not only keeps the target from being blamed but it sends a strong message to the bully that their behavior is not only unacceptable but it will have peer induced consequences. You’ll see in many neighborhoods in the US certain signs that read, “We report to the police!” Adults understand that by letting criminal offenders know that their crimes will be reported is a good way to deter crime in their areas. Many law enforcement officials will tell you that the worst crime happens in neighborhoods where the reisidents are too afraid to speak out against, name, or report those who break the law even when they know exactly who did it. The same can apply towards bullies in schools.

Support someone who is being bullied. Even if you’re too afraid to go to an adult and inform them of the bullying, a sure way to help someone who is being bullied is to be kind to them. As I said above – a target can feel incredibly alone and isolated. They may begin to feel that no one likes them. Bullying can have a very damaging effect on a persons self-esteem and they might even come to the conclusion that everybody who sees them sees what the bully sees. Paying them a compliment, offering to walk home with them, letting them know that you don’t agree with the insults can be a huge relief to a person who is coming to question their own self worth.

Stand up. This can be a very difficult thing to do, but it is often extremely effective. It doesn’t need to be a valiant act of chivalry to include stepping in and taking punches for someone. Often, bullying can be diffused at it’s start with a simple remark, like, “That’s not cool,” or “cut it out.” Again, the more people who reiterate this line of thought, the more effective it is. You can choose NOT to witness. “This is dumb,” and then either walk away or turn away so the bully senses a complete lack of support for what they’re doing or are about to do. It doesn’t need to be confrontational but it sure can be effective.

Witnesses are so very important to the dynamic of bullying and have a great deal of potential to prevent it. There is almost always a witness, if not several of them and many of them probably want to help but either don’t know how or are afraid. It’s certainly understandable. But it’s imperitive to teach our kids in that in those situations the bully will likely not stop until someone stops them and those who are aware of bullying behavior can either support the behavior or help put a stop to it.



What did you do if you saw bullying when you were in school? How is that different from what you would do as an adult, if you witnessed bulling in public, workplace or social gathering?