50 Empowering Life Tips



 

1.  Don't wait around for someone to stick a label on you. If you want to be an animal rights activist, be one. If you want to be a human rights activist do that. Whatever you want to be, go be that. Define yourself. If you wait for someone to define you, you're probably not going to be happy with the label they pick.

2. No matter what you're religion or higher power, remember that everything you have ever been given or will be given came from the Earth. Honor the Earth and you will be honoring your higher power.

3. Remember the 60-40 rule. If 60% of your life is going well and 40% of it is failing, you're STILL winning.
4. You're not made of sugar and you're not going to melt in the rain. Whether literal or metaphorical, rain is no excuse to sit inside and complain that you're bored.
5. Everyone has their own standard of beauty. Meeting one persons standard means falling short of anothers. Be the beauty that YOU want to see in the mirror.
6. You are the one and only constant person in your life. You better be good company because guess what? You're stuck with you.
7. Make a goal to try something new every day.
8. Everybody has their own truth. What makes sense for one person won't make sense for another. There are very few “rights” when it comes to how things should be done.
9. When you find yourself in constant conflict, battling everyone around you and suffering one break up after another, then it really IS you. Sorry, but it's true. The good news is that you can fix you.
10. Some people have combative personalities. There's nothing you can do about it and shoving your perspective under their nose won't convince them that you're right. They will argue with you even when they agree with you.
11. Grow a plant, they're good therapy. If you suck at keeping plants alive, get a cactus. Recognize the limitations of your abilities and work with them.
12. Understand that we are all going about our day in the best way that we know how. Nobody is purposely trying to inconvenience you by being in your way.
13. Getting ahead in life rarely results from staying inside your comfort zone.
14. Don't be a sexist or racist ass-wipe. It's NOT going to get you anywhere in life. Really.
15. Finding people who agree with you doesn't mean that you're opinion is superior to another persons, because no matter what your ideology there will always be someone who agrees with it and others who don't.
16. Don't insult children. It's fine if you don't want them, it's fine if you choose not to be around them, but putting down any child will offend every single parent who hears you and you're going to look like a jerk.
17. Also, if you don't have children, keep your mouth shut on how they ought to be raised – especially when your beliefs aren't based on what is best for the child, but on making your life a little more comfortable.
18. None of us know every fact of any situation. Forming solid conclusions about any given person or situation means always being partly wrong.
19. Do get a soapbox. We all need to feel passionately about something, even when we're partly wrong about it.
20. Recovery is only impossible if you're dead. Recovery may not always be a hundred percent, but every situation can always get a little bit better than it is right now.
21. Don't be daunted when faced with an impossible task. Look at the tremendous feats man-kind has performed. A large amount of dirt can be moved by one person, one small shovel at a time.
22. When you feel like your voice doesn't matter, nothing you do can make a difference, remember this: there are other lonely voices who are singing the same tune at the same time. When those voices are all sung in the same direction, what is heard by the recipient is unison. You're never the only one, so sing loudly.
23. Get to know crazy people and weirdos. They will enrich your life in ways you cannot imagine.
24. What you project into the world is what you will receive. Some call this karma. Mostly, it's common sense. There are a few people who manage to be successful assholes, but we know them as the 1%. So that's probably not going to be you. Be nice if you want others to treat you well.
25. Finding a mate isn't about finding your ideal partner, but finding the person who's ideal partner is you. They're not going to be who you pictured yourself with when you were 13 so let go of your expectations.
26. Keep an open mind. Don't forget that life is about learning, first and foremost. You continue learning even up into old age.
27. Most people who are elderly are incredibly wise. Make friends with an old person, they can teach you a lot.
28. I've never heard a person say that they regret traveling too much and seeing the world or learning about other cultures.
29. Remember that the way you see the world is limited to the scope of your vision and another person can be standing right beside you and have a much broader view. This will likely change their opinion of what they are seeing.
30. Pick up trash on the street when you see it. Little things like that can make a big difference when many people do them.
31. Turn about is fair play. When someone shows you loyalty, remember them and repay the favor when you're able.
32. Take care of your body and your body will take care of you.
33. There are superficial jerks in the world, but most of us only want someone who doesn't make us feel badly about ourselves. If you want to make a lot of friends, spend time making a lot of people feel good about themselves. Then you will be genuinely popular, not superficially.
34. Do you ever notice that in movies, we all seem to root for the same person? No matter what our disagreements in life and the fact that as a society we can be so dramatically polarized, when it comes down to it we all just want the good guy to win.
35. In our own minds, we ALL think that we are the good guy.
36. Every substance that exists has it's use, but every substance that exists can be harmful when abused or overused. Moderation is the key to not totally fucking up your life.
37. Surprisingly, the people on television, movies, on the radio etc. aren't trying to entertain you. They are trying to sell you something. There is no exception, their goal is to get you to spend money in their direction, or in the direction of their sponsors.
38. When you say things like, “We didn't need that when I was a kid,” bear in mind how boring the world would be if we weren't changing things up all the time.
39. Being a bully won't get you respect. Remember that the most respected people to have ever walk the earth: Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, Jesus and others were pacifists and they were revered for their gentle natures.
40. Parents: Just remember that they way you treat your children will become the way they treat their own.
41. You can be brilliant, witty and beautiful, but your value to others will always be contingent on what you bring to the table.
42. In very rare instances, you will find a person who loves you even when what you bring to the table is lacking. Treasure those people. That is called unconditional love and very few will ever give it to you.
43. Make stuff up. Make up stories, words, songs, anything you want. If you go looking for something and find that it doesn't exist, make it up. Every innovation and cultural advancement that has ever come about, came from somebody deciding not to follow the rules and make it up.
44. It's never too late to change your game plan.
45. Stop fretting over the things you haven't done and start looking forward to the things you'll get to do.
46. Remember what your basic human needs are and focus on them. Television and Nike's aren't among them.
47. Stop trying to impress people and be someone that others want to impress.
48. The world does not have unlimited money and resources. When you take more than you need, you are taking from someone who needs it. If you are not willing to take less on that score, be mindful of the fact that someone out there is getting less on account of you.
49. Love as many people as you can, nobody ever worries that they're going to have too many people at their funeral.
50. Do what you can to make others feel good. No one in life ever regrets being kind to someone, even when the other person doesn't deserve it.

photo: James Jordan

Growing Native in My Flower Beds

Welcome to the April edition of the Simply Living Blog Carnival - Going Green cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. This month, we write about going green and environmentally friendly living. Please check out the links to posts by our other participants at the end of this post.

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I have always enjoyed growing a flower garden. My first flower bed was a six foot by two foot patch of dirt in front of a town home I was renting. That year we planted several flower seeds, but none of them took despite my best efforts of watering daily, fertilizing and weeding at least once a week.

That was eight or nine years ago. My green thumb is more practiced now and I can grow a whole lot of things. I have six flower beds in my yard now, as well as several large terracotta pots that I also grow flowers in.

I know that growing flowers isn't the most eco-friendly practice. I choose to forego fertilizer, though my flowers my look a bit wimpy. However, they still need water at least three times a week, and daily in the hottest months. With six large beds, it's a lot of water and it has bothered me for years that my marigolds and petunia's are so darn needy.

I learned about growing native when I first began gardening. Actually, I was looking for cheap/free seeds and I had wondered if I would be able to find plants out in the wild that would look nice in a flower bed. That is how I came across the term “Growing Native.”

But wildflowers in the city are hard to come by and I didn't have the time to drive all over the countryside looking for cone flowers and black-eyed susans. It was less expensive to spend 50 cents for a packet of allysum than order wild flower seeds from a nursery.

Then last spring, my city surprised me. They decided to grow native in all of their public landscaping! That's right, every city park has flower beds brimming with daisies, native asters, flowering milk weed, and some very interesting plants that I had never seen before.

Throughout the season I watched these flower beds mature with my home made seed packets at the ready. In this post from last fall, I describe the process of seed harvesting. When I knew that the seeds were ready, I went on a few excursions to get the native flowers that I wanted from some of my favorite parks. I was very careful to only clip a few dead flower heads and and be respectful to the plant the habitat.

I have waited all winter long to plant my precious little seeds and now that spring is here, I put them into the ground last week. Because I harvested my own, I was able to get a lot of seeds – especially purple cone flower. But I also planted daisies, poppies and a tall exotic looking (but native) grass. I missed harvesting the black-eyed susans, they were spent before I got to them.

While I do still have a few rose bushes and other non-native water plants in my water garden, I will slowly replace these with native species as they age and need replaced.

So what is the point of growing native? How is this a green thing to do, and how does it simplify my world?

Native plants require very little, if any, watering. They are completely used to living in the conditions which I planted them so no need to amend the soil. They are resistant to local pests and plant diseases. They don't need fertilizer to grow well. In other words, you can plant native flowers in their home environment and they will thrive with virtually no care whatsoever. That's easy on my time constraints as well as my budget and it also keeps my yard organic while looking top-notch.

Another plus of native growing is that the local wild life will benefit from what I have planted. These are the plants that best serve the butterflies, lady bugs and other local insects who can feast on the plants without damaging them. In many urban settings, the beneficial insect populations are dwindling, which impacts the larger animals who need the bugs to survive.

Growing native looks great, costs very little (if anything), requires practically no care, and boosts the health of the native ecosystem.

If you would like more information about growing native, visit:
grownative.org

If you live in Missouri and are looking for information (or seeds and seedlings) of native Missouri plants, visit:

www.missouriplants.com
www.missourinativeplantsociety.org
www.mowildflowers.net



Cone Flower Photo Credit: Sean McMenemy

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  Thank you for visiting the Simply Living Blog Carnival cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children , Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair . Read about how others are incorporating eco-friendly living solutions into their everyday lives. We hope you will join us next month, as the Simply Living Blog Carnival focuses on Daily Lives!

 

 

• Green Renovating: A Lot, A Little, Not So Much - Laura at Authentic Parenting ponders about the many things that have an impact on eco-friendly renovating
• Growing Native in My Flower Beds - Destany at They Are All of Me takes the guilt out of her flower habit by switching from high maintenance flowers to native plants which not only lessens her gardening load, but also benefits the local wild life.
• Baby Steps - Kellie at Our Mindful Life shares how her family became more sustainable, one step at a time.
• A Greener Holiday - Sara from Family Organic discusses the overwhelming amount of "stuff" that comes with every holiday and talks about how to simplify instead.
• Forcibly Green--Obligatory Organic - Survivor at Surviving Mexico talks about her family's evolution from passive to active green and sustainable living.
• Giving It Away - Juliet Kemp of Twisting Vines writes about the role of Freecycle, the giant karmic lending library, in her simple and green living.
• Simply Sustainable - Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses her family's attempts to live in harmony with the earth by living simply and more sustainably.
• How Does Your Yarden Grow - Alisha at Cinnamon&Sassafras writes about an ongoing permaculture project, converting her grass lawn into a mower-free paradise.
• Green? - Is it about ticking the boxes? sustainablemum shares her thoughts on what being green means in her life.
• Using Cloth Products To Reduce Household Waste - Angela from Earth Mama's World shares how her family replaced many disposable household products with cloth to reduce their household waste.
• Going Green in Baby Steps - Joella of Fine and Fair shares some small, easy steps to gradually reduce your environmental impact.
• Are You Ready To Play Outside?! - Alex from AN Portraits writes about gardening, and playing in the dirt, and how it's O.K. to get dirty, play in the dirt, play with worms, for both adults and kids.
• Lavender and Tea Tree Oil Laundry Booster - At Natural Parents Network, Megan from The Boho Mama shares an all-natural way to freshen laundry.

So... Do You Want to Learn Yoga?

DISCLAIMER: I know that these poses are not perfect and I do not claim to be proficient in yoga. ;)

 

Yoga has been a love of mine for over ten years. That said, I will go months without practicing, which hinders my progress in advancement. I actually don't strive to advance the way that many do, but rather to maintain. I began yoga as a way to tone my muscles and keep fit. The reasons I do it now are to keep my body from deteriorating now that I'm getting older.

My family has a history of really nasty joint diseases and I also have patella femoral syndrome. After the birth of my fourth child, I began experiencing excruciating hip pain, especially in winter. I know that I am becoming arthritic, and when I am not practicing my yoga my joints suffer terribly. Yoga also can help lose or maintain weight, though that is not a reason for me.

However. If you read this blog with any regularity, you will know that I am a self-teacher and self-proclaimed cheapskate. I don' need no stinkin' yoga classes!

I started out with Wai Lana yoga dvd's (actually, I think I started back when VHS was still being used with regularity. I love Wai Lana, and have the Little Yogi's Dvd for my little ones though I dare say they love to practice their stretches whenever they see me do it.

Yoga with Wai Lana makes me so happy. She is so calm and peaceful and her smile brightens my mood whenever I see it. Her voice is also soothing, but I admit it presents a challenge near the end when she does the relaxation to not fall asleep. I have done this a few times and woke up on the floor completely startled that it had happened.

After a while, I felt the need for something a little more custom.

I began researching the different yoga postures. I went to websites such as Yoga Journal, Mind Body Green, and especially Yoga.About.Com to learn everything I could about the more basic poses.

Mostly, I wanted to know what effect each posture was known to have, to maximize my benefits and purpose. I asked myself, "what do I want Yoga to do for me, physically?"

The answer was of course, help alleviate my joint pain and prevent my muscles from deteriorating from lack of use. So I made a list of those postures that suited my needs the most. I grouped the postures together and came up with 3 different routines that I would alternate, taking care to give attention to all of my muscle groups so none would be neglected.

Youtube searches helped me to see the proper way to get into each position without harming myself and making sure that I understood how to do the postures correctly. Poses such as downward facing dog, the warrior poses, or extended side angle would actually damage my joints further if I did them improperly. I used mirrors and had my kids take my photo while practicing so that I could tell how I was doing. It was very humbling to see myself at first.

I also wanted to know about the history and philosophy of Yoga. It's not enough for me to simply know how to do some of it for my own benefit. Yoga, I perceived, is not simply a manner of exercise. It is a life style, even so much as a religion. While I do not practice all aspects of yoga, I do honor and recognize them. I meditate and reflect and focus on my breathing.

I went to the library and checked out books on Yogis and Gurus and studied them. Among my favorite by far is "B.K.S. Iyengar, The Path To Holistic Health." I have found this man to be a complete inspiration and the book is a treasure trove of information.

I am still learning and improving and striving to be in sync with the rhythms of my body that yoga teaches.

If you need anymore inspiration to try yoga, for whatever your personal reason, take a look at this:

It's Just Bullying - What's the Big Deal?

It's just bullying! We all went through it, so what?

This is a question that gets tossed around by older generations when people talk about bullying. Up until the 1996 Columbine Shooting, bullying was touted as a rite of passage - something kids all went through and were made better for. Bullying was considered necessary, as it builds character and prepares kids for the rough world of adulthood. I have heard some from older generations complain that what is "wrong" with the world today is that kids are weak and whine about every little thing, expecting to never have their feelings hurt or suffer at all.

But bullying today is different than it was 30 years ago. The world has changed and for reasons that many psychologists and sociologists frequently explore, kids today seem to have a heartier appetite for cruelty and push the boundaries of bullying behavior farther than their parents ever would have dared. According to SuEllen Fried¹, one of the reasons is that television, video games, and movies desensitize children to cruelty. I admit, I believe that has a lot to do with it. I also feel that a great number children today are being forced to early detachment² which impares their ability to empathize or form attached bonds with their peers.

As Fried¹ explores the five types of bullying, they take it further and explore how these types of bullying differ from 30 years ago.

Physical: Whereas a few decades ago, physical bullying usually meant pushing, hitting, kicking, spitting, biting, pulling hair, wedgies and swirlies etc., today's youth now have to contend with a wider array of physical abuse by their peers, as well as more frequent incidents. The old physical dominance tactics still apply, and we add to that: stabbing, cutting, choking, even shooting.

While in some communities, physical violence is on a decline, it is becoming more brutal when it does occur. Studies in the late nineties showed an alarming jump in girls physical aggression, and that increase continues to this day.

Verbal: As children today are being raised in increasingly hostile environments and exposed to near constant rudeness, it's no wonder they treat each other with so little respect. Compared to the last century, many people recognize a dramatic reduction in manners and common courtesy. Aside from t.v. that promotes violence and hostility, parents who often explode on strangers and berate them for minor infractions and the overall disposition that we treat others like they are constantly in our way and are a nuisance all contribute to the escalated verbal abuse that children inflict on each other.

Emotional: Frieds book asserts that there are two types of emotional bullying - the nonverbal communication such as hand gestures and body language, and exclusionary tactics. At a seminar I recently attended with SuEllen Fried as the guest speaker, she discussed her work in the Kansas Penitentiary System. She stated that once a person is in prison and breaks a rule, there aren't many options to punish them further. But the one tool left, the one that even hardened criminals fear and therefore obey to avoid, is isolation of solitary confinement. While exclusion has always been a way for children to punish other children, it goes further today with all of the venues of connectivity available to us. Not only are children isolated in school and social settings, but in electronic means as well. Being ignored on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media outlets; defriended, kept out of group emails etc. are just more ways kids have to tell each other that they don't belong.

** I also want to add that frequently schools use isolation as a way to punish children, sending them to so called Safe Spots. This isolation from their peer obviously works as a deterrent, and in my experience, increases bullying towards that child when used on the same child on a repeated basis. Specifically, when a child is consistently removed from the class by the teacher, the other children will grow detached from them and begin to target them. They seem to sense that the authority figure has singled out the child and deemed them unfit for the group, however, I do not imply in any way that teachers intend to do this. It is only an unspoken twist in the hierarchy that children read and do not comprehend.

Sexual: Sexual harassment has always included inappropriate jokes, touching, insinuations made in regards to a persons sexual behavior or lack thereof, this now encompasses a wider platform. Gays and lesbians have always been targets of bullies and have always existed. But since many more are now "out" in the public eye, and many children and teenagers are openly expressive of their right to be gay, the backlash is more intense than before.

Cyber: This is a type of bullying that just plain did not exist 30 years ago. It used to be that if a kid was picked on at school, it stayed at school (for the most part) and they could get a reprieve once they stepped off of the school bus. Not so in this day and age. Kids use cellphones to taunt over texts messages. The video teasing and physical abuse to upload onto the Internet and force targets to relive their humiliating experiences again and again - in a far more public way than we ever had to imagine when we were there age. They torment each other through twitter, facebook, myspace, and many other social media places that I'm too old to be aware of.

As we can clearly see a difference in manner and intensity of bullying from a few decades ago, I think it's obvious that bullying is not at all something to necessitate. Many of the claims made before that bullying is a way to build character and grow self-confidence can be achieved simply by instilling confidence in our children from the start. By building our children up through validation, rather than allowing them to be stripped down by their peers, we help them become self-assured, peaceable people who can handle the rough world of adulthood because they have been taught methods of coping with stress and how to handle peer relationships that aren't pleasant. Positive reinforcement does so much more than negative destructuring.

1 - SuEllen Fried is a noted expert in the field of bullying, having written books, including Banishing Bully Behavior, co-authored with Blanche Sosland, and runs the website http://www.bullysafeusa.com.

2 - Many children today are "trained" to develop emotional independence as infants, left to "cry it out" and expected to teach themselves to "self-soothe", which can damage their ability to form peer attachments later in childhood and into adulthood. They are taught not to need anybody, which creates an overinflated sense of self, and others lack importance to consider.


What are your opinions on why children today are more agressive than they were 30 years ago? What role do authority figures play in escalating bullying behavior? Do you think teachers, parents and school officials have the proper tools and understanding to handle bullying?

Context over Content

Years ago as a new mother, I was fraught with concern over what my children were exposed to. Namely, the media. As most parents I was - and still am - worried what the impact will be over what they see and hear. Violence, profanity, sex... these are all predominant themes in our culture and what is acceptable for some parents is out of bounds for others.

I kept it pretty basic, and because I was so young and new at the parenting game, I had blanket rules over what I would allow my children to see or hear. Anything with overt violence, of course, was unacceptable. So were movies that would be too scary and give them nightmares. And nudity. Because, of course, nudity implies sex, doesn't it? Anything of a sexual nature must be kept from view. And I felt fortunate that there were all of these ratings on materials that would tell me what I should and should not let my children see and hear.

One day, I was watching one of my favorite movies, "Interview With a Vampire" and I hadn't seen it in a while. Therefore, I was caught off guard by how much nudity is actually in that movie. Full frontal nudity, to be exact. There is a scene in this film, where the child vampire comes upon a square and through the sliver of a door crack, sees a beautiful woman bathing herself. She was fully naked and you could see everything from her breasts to the triangular patch of hair between her legs. My hand flew immediately to shield my six year olds eyes and I was embarrassed and felt guilty all in one instant. And then I paused... and without processing my intent, I dropped my hand and allowed him to look. This woman was not doing anything remotely sexual. She was bathing, that was all. Something we all do, something he had seen me do many times. Why the shame and embarrassment? The content was nudity - the context was completely innocent, a woman taking a bath. If I take him to an art museum, he would see countless naked bodies doing all sorts of nonsexual things. In art, nudity is celebrated. It is beautiful!

From that point forward, I stopped worrying at all of the content, and instead began to focus on the context of material. After all, the above image of a woman standing onstage with her breasts exposed is nowhere near as sexually explicit as two individuals embraced and moving up and down in obvious intercourse - and yet, the ratings on our television and movies do not allow for these fine distinctions. Because of that, we have commercials on the radio that talk about a woman who likes to wake up with a "Dicken's Cider" and how her friend is appalled about the vulgarity of such a statement until she realizes the technical flub that allows such trashy comments to be uttered on the radio - the content of the words Dicken's Cider is completely innocent, the context of what those words sound like when said together is not taken into consideration when laws pertaining to censorship are created.

 

 

The context over content rule applies to many things, not only those which occur in film and television. For instance, swearing. Is shouting the word, "shit" in a moment of frustration nearly as detrimental to a young child as telling them that they have "poop for brains"? Of course not. Yet, swearing is often banned from many households out of hand because it is considered bad for a child to hear, and some parents will say damaging things to their children but feel that they're ok, skating on a technicality. They're not using foul language, they're not outwardly calling their children names, even if they are implying it.

 

A few days ago, I was having a conversation with some friends of mine. We were discussing child pageantry and the outfits those little girls often wear in their competitions. I wish to share part of that conversation but at the same time, I mean no disrespect to those who participate in beauty competitions. These are only my observations, after all. The argument many parents of pageantry girls make is that their children are fully clothed. That they wear less clothing to a public swimming pool or the beach. My counter argument, once again, is the context: the motivations and implications behind those outfits. The makeup, the hair, waxing, tanning, clothes that no grown woman could get away with wearing outside of a strip club or racy stage show (with out others raising their eyebrows at her). It is what those outfits and get ups symbolize in our culture - the context they are designated for being used to judge a little girl is something I cannot reconcile for myself.

 

 

But I recognize that when it comes to context, we all may have a different definition of the context, which is why when censorship is established the lawmakers are forced to use blanket discriminations based on content alone. A friend of mine recently took her two young children to see a comedian-slash-magician perform at her local theme park. She was told that it was family friendly but was sorely disappointed - even outraged as the show was, in her opinion, quite inappropriate for young kids to see. The outfits on the dancers she (and others) claimed, belonged in a strip club, along with the provocative dance numbers. I read a bit of the argument, and some people were upset that these parents were angry. They claimed that women at the beach wear less clothing than those women up on stage, what's the problem?

 

 

The problem, once again, goes back to context. Girls at the beach are there to tan and swim. Of course, they want to look good and the "sexy" innuendo does play a part. Is it the same thing as a costume that is designed for the sole purpose of being sexy, donning thigh high stockings held up with garter belts, bedazzled brassieres and mini skirts while the women undulate, present their backsides to the audience and dry-hump the male dancers or the floor? That, it appears is subject to individual determination.

 

 

A society that has only recently come to tolerate images of breastfeeding mothers in the media (and I use the word tolerate very very loosely), yet allows for regular viewing couples who are in the midst of various intimate acts, but get away with it because technically no genitals are showing, needs to rethink it's parameters of what is acceptable child-friendly content. It all goes back to context, and since it is nearly impossible to regulate on a grand scheme, it is something that every family and every parent must examine and decide for themselves.